.....^^HI !! um.... nice to see you all again with me JaBBaWockeez ,..
Today i want to tell you about one story that i never forget ......until now i still keep in frightened with the dark .I will cry and shout if someone turn off the light and keep me in the dark room ........do you want to know why ??? .....I will tell you:(:(........
.....That scary story was happened when i was 10 years old ....I was a girl that like to do and find somethings that very strange and some of the kids can't do it......so..One day on the weekend while i was listen to music my mom called me and tell me to buy some sugar for her in the small market near my house. I was very happy i went to take my bike and ride it to the market happily....but when i came back i didn't ride on the way i go i ride on a very old street which was in the corner of the market..., i think,There was a very old street because it very quite and dirty....when i rode for about 1 k.m, i saw a very old building with the name "JOKAZA clinic and Scientist school" i never heard that clinic before...it very interesting i decided to go in it .......it was very quite,dirty and smell very awful....then i saw a very old man with the long hair and wear the scientist clothes(his face very ugly like a ...) who stand in front of the counter he called me to followed him ........i follow him into a very small dark room ....in there i saw a lot of insect like spider and mouse ....a lot of test tube and equipment .....but you know what i saw in the bed .... A dead man with bloods a lot of blood .....and that scientist was look and laugh AT me like a crazy man ...... i was very scare i didn't care anythings i ran out from that room and ride my bike away from that building very fast . When i came back home i give my mom a sugar And ran to my bed room ..i called to my friend tell him what i saw in that street..... at that time i didn't tell my mom because i scare she will blame me ....i never lie before i think i have to tell her....so when after we ate dinner i tell my family every thing happened in the morning they don't believe me .....but I WANT TO tell u it true....^^ please comment by jabba
OH!!!! It was scared...
ReplyDeleteYako Kuri
thanks ^^
ReplyDeletejabbawockeez
Your post is very scare but I think your post is very interesting.
ReplyDeletefrom:cowboy
thanks so much cow boy
ReplyDeletejabbawockeez
Hi, Jabba!
ReplyDeleteYour ideas in the story are very good and so I enjoyed reading the post. Nice work!
Let's look at a couple of things that will make your writing even better.
You wrote *That scary story was happened when i was 10 years old*
Better would be *This scary story happened when I was 10 years old.*
*...while i was listen to music my mom called me and tell me...*
Better would be *...while I was listening to music my mom called me and told me...*
It's good that you have written a long story, so, again well done! Think, though, about paragraphs- there should be at least 4 paragraphs in this story. Remember, 'enter,' and 'enter' again to make a new paragraph.
Well done and keep writing!!
thank you teacher
ReplyDeletefrom jabba